


The Shadow Queen

by pokey_jr



Category: Legion (TV), Toddlers and Tiaras (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, very silly and absurd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10411419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pokey_jr/pseuds/pokey_jr
Summary: In the high-stakes, high-glamour world of toddler beauty pageants, you either win, or you happen to encounter the parasitic mutant that has inhabited your body for thirty years and is the likely cause of your schizophrenic delusions.





	

David couldn’t explain to himself how he had ended up at a toddler beauty pageant. It was the kind of afternoon Lenny dragged him into, while they swam together in a haze of narcotics, and wrote off bad decisions like business expenses. He hadn’t even snagged a good seat, he was in the third row, on the left hand side near the emergency exit, and hemmed in by a cadre of sweaty, anxious parents. After placing him in this particular seat with no explanation except to slap his nose with a chewed twizzler, Lenny had goose-stepped away, presumably to the bar, kicking a child in the process. David slouched in his seat and pretended he didn’t know her.

The venue for this questionable spectacle-- the Diamonds Royalty Crown Pageant-- was a Holiday Inn Executive Conference Room. Some crew of people devoted to toddler beauty pageants had spent many hours arranging four hundred chairs in precise rows, and setting up and decorating a stage with balloon arches and crepe paper garlands. All pink. All sparkly. All desperate for ‘u go gurl!’ affirmation. Parents jostled for territory within their rows in order to pantomime their children’s routines. Sometimes it wasn’t clear if the parent or the offspring was leading the mirrored charade, but David sat still on account of his rolling high. 

The emcee announced the next contestant over blaring country music. “Contestant number 14, Alana, from Georgia!” A blonde girl flounced through the curtains. Like every other contestant, the lacquered makeup and garish costume precluded any instance of natural charm. David had found so far that, apart from being boring, the pageant’s showmanship made him profoundly uncomfortable. The parents’ desperation for attention, the little girls’ creepy perfect smiles, the age-inappropriate behavior from every corner. This girl, Alana, was dressed in cowboy boots and hat, daisy dukes, and a red checkered top that showed her stomach. She had hyperactive confidence, dancing around as if her head was attached to her body with a slinky instead of a neck. 

“That’s my honey boo boo child!” The gelatinous woman in front of David rose with a whoop.  


David felt a frisson of unease. The child’s mother seemed oddly familiar. Even without seeing her face, her presence made him want to elbow his way to the door. In fact, he was absolutely certain he should leave right now. There was something malicious about her. She began the mimicry, shaking herself in time with the music. He looked closer at her hands, which flashed in and out of view in frenetic cues. The fingers were a tad spindly, nails ragged sharp and dirty. It could just be the lighting but the skin looked mottled and gray. 

“Hey.” Lenny appeared next to him. She grinned too broadly, managing to seem unsure, yet pushy. “Try this shit.”

“What is it?” David’s focus was broken. Lenny held out a green plastic bottle with a straw in it, and he glanced at the hands before taking a long draught. It was cloying and bubbly. “What’s in this?” Asked David again. The woman’s hands were normal, he was just seeing things. 

“Rocks.” 

David peered at her. “Like, pebbles, or…?” Drugs? Was it her Sunday Surprise, which she often forgot, and sometimes moved to other days to preserve the, well, surprise?

“Pop. They might all be at the bottom. Or dissolved. Ya know I think it kinda tastes like apple juice.”  


Drugs. Some of his Horde seized on the word, spun the thought into a fixation, where could he score next. Too early for that. Their voices sieged him, shouting for more and less, to go and to stay, destroy and create and kill and--

“Hey, Mama June!” Lenny spat the straw at the woman in front of them. “Mama June!”

“No, don’t…!” David’s protest faltered as he burped up some of the foul drink. How had Lenny known her name? Maybe it was listed in a program of the show.

Mama June turned around as she was still coaching her spawn. “Yeah?”

“What’d you call this again?”

Mama June tilted her chin down, making it look like a fleshy cushion had inflated around her neck. She had small eyes folded into her doughy face, and her mouth was a little too small to smile all the way. David shrunk in his seat and looked away. It was too unsettling. 

Lenny’s eyes widened, glistening and feverish. “I like it. I My friend does too.”

Mama June turned back to the final moments of the girl’s routine. “Work it, smoochie! That’s it baby!” She did the sassy ‘howdy do’ hat tip along with her daughter, then cheered and applauded wildly as the music ended. Lenny jumped up and did the same, earning an over-the-shoulder glance from Mama June. 

And there was that face, corpulent and hateful. David flinched and grabbed his head. They were so loud he couldn’t think. He knew what he had seen. For an instant, Mama June’s eyes had been a shining, malevolent yellow.

**Author's Note:**

> This was really just a way for me to vent the fact that the devil with the yellow eyes is 2spooky4me and gave me nightmares and also reminded me of Mama June (honey boo boo's mom) from Toddlers and Tiaras. And yes, I did research T&T by watching clips on youtube that were almost as disturbing as Legion.


End file.
